I did go on a date with Charlie. I was afraid that Kay and Linette would beat me up and I would chase off Charlie if I didn't. I was completely scared out of my wits and wanted to hide under my bed, but Charlie seemed like a really nice guy and chasing him off would have been a shame. (I didn't take into consideration that if he wasn't scared by the end of the weekend we met, maybe he was made of tougher stuff that I had given him credit for. Or he was brain-damaged, in which case it made sense he would hang out with Bear, Ted, Jim and Waffle.) To distract myself from being nervous, I made cupcakes. Red velvet, which in hindsight wasn't the smartest move. Cream cheese frosting does not like heat and we were going on a picnic. Whoops.
Charlie picked me up and I was SO NERVOUS. I'm pretty sure he was a little, too. We drove out to Moraine, a state park about 20 mintues away. It seemed like everyone in town decided to have a picnic there, too. We drove around for another 20 minutes looking for a place to sit. Charlie was very careful to find a place in the shade so my ghostly white skin did not turn crispy and red. I thought that was really sweet and considerate of him, especially since he's tan and it's obvious the sun does not have a vendetta against him like it does me. Once we found a place to go, he unloaded the car. He had indeed brought everything we needed. I will admit that I was impressed- most of the time when a man says he'll take care of everything, he means "I'll drive through somewhere and if it ain't in the bag, we don't need it." He even had a blanket so my ass didn't get dirty from the bench. I don't think I would have remembered that.
Charlie was so sweet and kind the entire time we were out. I'm not used to that. We ate, talked, people watched and walked the Frisbee golf trail just to see how far it went. It was nice. I wasn't nervous anymore- we were just being two people having a nice time. I could handle that. I tried my best not to be self-conscious and almost succeeded at that, too. It was a good day.
Day turned to evening and we went to watch the fireworks at the local fair. We parked outside the fairgrounds and he held my hand while we watched the colors shoot across the sky. We could hear the kids behind us yelling and the parents chattering. All seemed right for the moment. I've learned that sometimes that's all it needs to be- moments where all is right. No deeper meaning, no need for the moment to lead to another. No need to look for longevity because longevity can come from good moments in succession.
I did invite Charlie in when we got back to my house. I was slightly worried because the me-sized hole in the wall is still there from Nick beating me up, but Charlie didn't say anything about it. I've decided that the hole is going to stay- it is a physical reminder of me turning a corner in my life. I am going to turn it into a built-in bookshelf. I am going to put meaningful things in that hole, just the same as I do in my mind and my heart. I am also going to build it myself. I can fix the holes in my heart and mend my spirit, and I can fix the hole in my wall and mend my mind. I am beginning to see what happened to me as a blessing. I needed to change paths to find happiness and peace of mind, but I didn't realize it. The calendar page from my desk calender for April 21, 2011, the night I was beat up, is already in a frame hanging beside the hole. It will be the first thing to go on my shelf. The page has a lady on it saying "Life begins when you dump the damn psycho." How true, how true. And I am eternally grateful for the life-changing experience I have had. I am stumbling down the road toward happiness, and I can see it. It is the journey and the moments, especially the good ones.
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