Christmas has come and gone. So has New Years and Charlie's birthday last week. Now it's just Winter. Cold, snowy, miserable winter. Normally I become a real sad sack this time of year. This year is different. I think it's because I have become much more content. Don't get me wrong- I friggin' HATE winter- but I know that soon enough it will be Spring and then Summer. Everything changes. Sometimes it has snow on it, sometimes it has sunshine. I'm cool with it.
Change used to be my nemesis. Winter was as well. I always viewed happiness as a sort of Summer and depression as a sort of Winter. Real Winter seemed to bring depression with it, so Winter was just, well, Winter. Yucky Winter. This Winter is different. I still hate the snow and cold, but my state of mind is still in the sun. I don't know if it's a change in attitude, acceptance of change, or just plain ol' chemistry that worked this magic. (I'm taking vitamin D and a low dose anti-depressant.) What I do know is that I don't hate the world like I usually do in the dead of Winter. I'm happy to come home every night to my warm house and put on my fuzzy pj pants. I watch the cats chase each other and wrestle and I laugh. I clean, fold laundry and freeze my ass off putting groceries in the car, but I don't hate it like I would in the past. It's nice.
I have accepted the fact that life is not linear and most certainly will not follow your plan, no matter how detailed the map. In fact, it's kinda sideways most of the time. Had my life followed my very narrow path, I would not have Joe and most definitely not Charlie. I will never be a "free spirit," but I can relax. I've gotten far more out of life since I started to relax. Maybe that is the secret to the whole darn thing. Like Frankie said- "Relax."
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