Dear Mike

Dear Mike,

Today is our son’s 11^th birthday.  Tomorrow marks 11 years since you took off, but I still see you daily.  I see your mannerisms, your facial expressions and your physical attributes. You left and forgot all about the people you left behind.  You have no reminders; you got a new life and a “do-over.”  Your family chose to follow you into the sunset.  Every last Germain abandoned one of their own; they walked away from the most helpless of their family and instead backed the one that should have been an adult.  None of you see what I see.  I see pieces of an 11 year-old you.

Was it easy to erase all memory of me and that tiny person you left in the hospital that night?  Do you ever wonder how he is?  If he’s happy and has everything he needs?  When you don’t pay the support you are supposed to, do you ever wonder what he has to go without while you are at the ball game, drinking your third beer?  Does anyone in your family?  Is your current wife even aware of his existence?

I can assure you that while I see bits and pieces of you in him every day, I also see the polar opposite of your personality.  He is the most positive, hard-working, happy and likable little kid I have ever met.  He never gives up when a challenge arises; often he is so determined to overcome the obstacle that he forgets to take a break.  He would never, ever insult or belittle someone because he knows how much it hurts.  He is loving, conscientious, forgiving to a fault and sharp as a razor.  No one says a remotely unkind word about is mama in his presence, not even his granny, because he will get testy.  “No one says anything bad about my mom!  She’s the best mom in the world!” he will angrily tell them.

He has musical and artistic talent far beyond anyone in your family, even your professional artist mother and professional musician step-father.  I find it very ironic that the very person you walked away from possesses all of the traits your family holds in high regard.  My child is the rock star of all your family’s children and you have no idea.  No one in your family does.  And yes, he’s MY child.  You reneged all claim to him when you left.

That boy is my sunrise and sunset; my universe.  I am thankful that he is mine.  I am even more thankful that you left; I have no doubt that he would not be the kid he is if you were a part of his life.  You would see the good parts as a weakness.  I realize that they are actually a strength, and part of that realization came from having you walk away.  My loving, hard-working baby boy will never do what you did.  I have absolutely no doubt about that.

I suppose I should thank you.  If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t be here and my world would be very different and empty.  I don’t think you deserve a thank you, however.  What you deserve is to be an old, lonely man with nothing but time on his hands to reflect on his hollow, shallow, self-centered life and never know what became of those who would be there for him if he weren’t such a poor excuse of a human being.

I do have two things to tell you, though.  First, even though I’ve had a child, I am still thinner and hotter than your current wife.  Second, your son hates Jimmy Buffett.  Poetic justice of sorts, I suppose.