Texting, The Internet And Stupid People‏

I've had something rattling around in my head for a few weeks now.  It may not be pretty, well-written or even interesting, but here goes.

1. Exes:  If you are so unhappy that you feel the need to send dirty messages to someone who you are not married to, maybe you need to spend the time you are chasing illicit tail to evaluate the state of your union.  Maybe, just maybe, you are slightly at fault, too.  As far as I can tell, marriage is supposed to be about compromise.  Is it out of the realm of possibility that you are not holding up your end of the compromising?  And how in the world is texting an ex that you miss sleeping with them helping ANYTHING AT ALL?  Also take into consideration the ex; if that person has a spouse/ significant other, you are now casting suspicion into that relationship.  If you have a regret from something you did in the past, don't let it cause a regret in your current reality.

While I'm on the subject of exes- plastering your opinions, regrets and whining about how you want someone back all over the internet is not cool.  Neither is talking about how awesome that person was in bed (even though it is flattering), especially in graphic detail.  Sending things to their house isn't wise.  Putting how pissed you are with your brand-new wife on an internet forum and then sending stuff to an ex's house really isn't wise.  You made your metaphorical bed, lie in it.  Sucks to be you; sucks even more to be your wife.

2. People who want tail but are not dating someone:  Texting pictures of your junk IS NOT A TURN ON.  In fact, it is a major turn-off.  Believing that someone may put out if they see a picture of your garter snake is insulting, too.  Equally as offensive:  When someone knows they have a text and open their phone to see it without a warning.  No, no matter how you try to justify it in your horny little head, "Maybe I'll see you this weekend" does not mean "Send me a picture of what happens to you when you stalk me on Facebook."  I have a friend (who is a lesbian) that claims her phone came equipped with a cock-block.  They all should. I'm willing to pay extra for it.

3.  Cyber-stalkers:  Most of you fall into one of the two categories above, but there is another category: the ex's new woman.  I know you all stalk the old flame.  Some people (like me) can even see it in their website stats.  Since some of you live in relatively small areas OR from a very distinct area OR Google someone's name and address and then land on their website, it's pretty easy to figure out who you are.  Duh.  You really need to get more creative in your cyber sleuthing.  And, just so you know, I am indeed skinnier, prettier and have way better legs than you do.  I chose to use those fabulous legs and walk away from that dude you picked up.  I do genuinely feel sorry for you.

As you can see, I'm feeling a little snarky and preachy today.  Sometimes people just need to be beaten in the head to get the message, and today I've got a ball bat.  Hope those of you who needed this were wearing a helmet.