Yes, I Would Take Over The World, But I Have To Go To Mom's And Do Laundry First

I don't know what pagan god I pissed off, but it seems as though almost everything in my possession has either broken, malfunctioned, crashed or been hit by a wayward deer recently.  Peruse my embarrassingly lengthy list:

1.  Washing machine- Two years old, just out of warranty.  Was not a cheap-o one, either.  I think the motor is fried.

2. Van brakes- The nifty little "Yo, your power brakes done gave up on you" light came on as I tried to avoid an old guy backing out of the American Legion.

3. Van window- The motor in the power window died one afternoon before I left work.  I rode home (an hour drive) with a monsoon blowing in my face.

4. Lawn Mower- Now overheats after doing approximately half the yard.  I realize that it has to haul my ass around as we mow, but I haven't gained THAT much weight.

5. Weed Whacker- Pieces went flying and whacked the mailbox last time I used it.

6. Oven- Light will not work.  Yes, I checked the bulb.

7. Sweeper- Quit sucking, the only thing I need it to do.

8. Weenie Wagon-Supposed to be my "reliable" car.  It needed tires and inspection.  Well, it got $600 in tires but did not pass inspection.  Apparently it has joint and mount issues.  I would suppose if I had joint issues, it would be hard for me to mount things, too.  Whatever.  It's another $500 to make my "reliable" car legal again.

9. Weenie Wagon- Yes, we were just here.  Before it can have more money put into it to pass inspection, it has to have a new front end put on it.  Some dumb-ass deer decided that I did not have enough things to fix and ran into me while I was going 50 miles an hour.  I sent him to meet his maker, flying sideways.

What is the true irony in all of this?  I fix things for a living.  My job is to remove problems, not create them.  I'm usually the one receiving the "Everything in my life is breaking and you're telling me it's going to cost what?!" calls, not making them.  I do not like the tables turning on me.  Neither does my (now very thin) wallet.  I may be selling bodily fluids to fund the next catastrophe.

Oh, yeah, and my laptop speakers just made a sizzling noise and died.