Joe asked Charlie one evening if he would adopt him, and he was serious. Charlie and I had already discussed this but decided to wait on Joe. If he came to Charlie and asked someday, we would start the process. Well, in starting this process, I needed to find Mike and have his parental rights terminated. Considering his current wife Jess's social media fixation, it wasn't difficult. That was, after all, how I kept finding him and turning in his address to keep his child support up to date. (Thanks @jessgermain for that!) I did a little bit of digging and came up with his cell phone number. (Kids, anything you post online can be found. This is the proof.) I also came up with Mike's mugshot from something he did in 2012:
Cuuute. I married that once.
I digress. Cell phone in hand, I texted Father of the Year to make sure that was still his number. Yep, it was. He typed "Who is this?" and I could just hear the snarl. I told him who I was and what I wanted. His response? It "makes more sense since you're married." WHAT??? So if I were still single, it wouldn't make sense for him to terminate the rights he has to a child he (and his whole fricking family) abandoned when he was a newborn? Am I missing something here? And he had a set of rules for me: he could not be physically served, the papers had to be certified mail; he could not travel to appear in court (it just dawned on me that he may be on probation and that's why. Duh.), and he could not get his own lawyer. I assumed those rules were because his current wife did not know Joe existed, so I complied. Just get him out of the picture forever, even if it means playing by his rules this time.
The paperwork was drawn up and sent to Mike. Much to my surprise, he signed it and sent it back immediately. My lawyer called and told me she had the documents back. I asked if he had done everything correctly because he has a history of not doing so. Her response? "Yes, and surprisingly enough, his wife and mother-in-law were his witnesses." SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. His wife? His mother-in-law? They KNEW?!
This is where my anger is rooted. I was so convinced that Joe was a secret. I was convinced that was why Mike didn't care; he couldn't have his comfy life uprooted. Now I find out that I was wrong and these women knew?! And one of them is a mother to boot? What the hell kind of women are they???? Are they that self-centered and immature? Do they not realize that Mike could one day do the same to a baby in their own family? Why is this okay????????
I've come to terms with Mike's own family turning their backs on Joe. Mike told them I cheated on him and Joe wasn't his. Neither of those things were true, but it was easier for them to believe him than to think they had a tiny, helpless relative thousands of miles away. Out of sight, out of mind. Mike doesn't even live near them, so I suppose there was really no reminder Joe was on the planet. They all went on with their superficial, self-centered existences like Mike did.
Yes, I see the bigger picture, the good in all of this. Mike is out of Joe's life forever once the adoption is finalized. Joe will never have to deal with all of the human detritus that is that family, biological or married into that mess. He is happy. He has no idea what assholes they are and now he never will. I get all of that. It still hurts, though. Even after 15 years, it hurts. And I'm still as angry-- no, more angry-- than I was 15 years ago. When Joe was born, he was a blank slate. Now he's a person with real experiences, real feelings, real thoughts... and it makes me even angrier to think they have ever been clouded by any thought of the Germain family.
I have things of Mike's still. I kept them for Joe, like Mike's baby book, his crucifix, pictures, cards he sent me, tangible things that if Joe ever questioned anything about Mike or our relationship. I could show him. I'm torn now. Should I be the bigger person and send the irreplaceable stuff back to Mike or should I just throw it out? I don't know. What I do know is that I cannot wait for the "Is he going to show up and demand his kid" chapter of my life to be over.
One last thing: Since she has been instrumental in connecting Mike and I, I must say a special "Thank You" to Jessica Germain.
Thank you, princess!
May you live happily ever after.
***The last two pictures were taken in December, 2014.***
